Monday, May 17, 2004

May 7, 2004

Dear Toronto Behind Home Plate Waitress,

Hello, how are you doing? I bet you're good. I am feeling pretty well myself. Although I am definitely looking forward to letting off a little steam this weekend. Are you? I hear that Toronto is kind of boring, but you probably know the hidden cool places that us out-of-towners have never heard of. Like where to get good chicken fingers and stuff. Do you like chicken fingers?

Before we get too personal, you're probably wondering who I am. My proper name is The Ninth, but you can call me T.N. which is a nickname a lot of my pals use. I know we aren't pals yet, but I think it's good to start on the right foot. My mom always said, "start off on the wrong foot, and you'll end on a worse one", which is weird because I think it means you have to have three feet, but it's been an important lesson all the same. So you can call me T.N., what should I call you?

Anyway, so much small talk! I have been a big fan of yours for a long time, and I felt like we probably would definitely hit it off, so I thought I should drop you a note. I know that sometimes people will just walk up to you and say "Hi!", or visit your house at weird hours, but I am not them and I wouldn't do that. I understand that being on TV a lot, you're in the public eye and can't just be nice to everyone. I'm that way too, and I think we would understand each other. You see, I write a popular internet webblog about sports, so I get a lot of letters too. I know it's not easy to answer all of them, so I'm not angry that you haven't written back to my other mailings. I know you read them, and that's what matters.

So I was planning on heading up to Toronto for next weekend's Red Sox series, and thought I would let you know in advance. I'm from Boston and I've always wanted to see the big Skydome, so I'm gonna borrow my Mom's Cutlass and do the drive. What a trip! I'll be getting in Wednesday night so if you want to maybe grab a drink or chicken fingers or something, that could be fun. But if you're busy I can just wait to meet you at the game. I'm really looking forward to seeing where you work and what that luxury box is like in person. I like how you have it set up, with drinks on your left and hot dogs on your right. I've thought about it and it's really the best way to do it. Anyway, these are things we can talk about it in person. If you want to get in touch with me, just email me at I'll be checking it on my blueberry every hour or so. I'm really looking forward to hearing from you, and I can't believe we're gonna see each other so soon.

Bye For Now, Your Pal (Soon)