Thursday, October 14, 2004

Typical Disgusting Display

If they were your girlfriend you'd break up with them. If they were your wife you'd seek counseling. If they were your children you'd sell them into slavery. Then you'd buy them yourself and make them do the chores they used to receive allowance for, but not pay them, because hell, they're slaves now. And they'd sleep in the barn. Then, once they accepted that life and decided that existence could get no worse, you'd buy some robots. The robots would start sleeping in their beds and hanging out with their friends. You'd love the robots as if they were your children and you'd treat your old kids as forgotten. Eventually you'd realize that even their work habits were unsatisfactory, and you'd give their responsibilities over to the robots, who of course would excel. It would then become clear that your offspring served no actual purpose and you would have the robots kill them. Quickly and without emotion. There would be no funeral. That's what you'd do if the Red Sox were your children.

The hot topic among Red Sox nation now is how they'll finish this out. A sweep, while seemingly poetic, is too easy. They lose game three and you know it's over, so you don't have to bother anymore. They won't make it that easy. On Friday, weather permitting, Boston will come out like gangbusters. They'll light up Kevin Brown and Arroyo will look like a star. 2-1 in the series, and most of us will jump back on. Wakefield will be just good enough on Saturday and they'll even the series. La di do, dance in the streets. Johnny Damon will say how tough they are and how they always battle back. The Ninth holds its nose. Curt Schilling will be valiant in Game 5, but won't have enough. He'll make it through a couple, but Lowe will need to relieve. The only relief he will provide of course is from needing to predict how the game will turn out. The Sox will lose, Pedro will return to Yankee Stadium in Game 6 and lose again. Because that's how it will hurt the most.

The Boston Red Sox: Where Pessimism and Realism Become Synonyms.